10 Things I Learned Over The Holidays

OMG something new!

This week (okay, month. Nah… year) has been so busy that it’s just plain old stupid. There are so many things to do and the kid to patience ratio is looking a little skewed. *sigh*
I know, I know, woe is me. Like I’m the only parent who is tired at the beginning of January! Ha! So instead of complaining about it I will share with you some of the valuable and heart warming things I learned over the last few weeks.
By the way, the whole heart warming thing is probably just indigestion. *burp*

10 Things I Learned Over The Holidays

10. I learned a cool magic trick. If I leave a length of ribbon unattended for as long as .234352 of a second, I can pull it out hand over hand from my dog’s mouth much like a magician pulling an endless scarf from his sleeve. Fancy!
(*Before you get all preachy on me, it happened once, and I do understand the dangers of ribbons and dogs. Trust me.)

9. I learned that glitter truly is the herpes of the craft world. Once you have it, that stuff ain’t going anywhere. Thankfully most of it ended up in the poop of the kids or the dog so it’s easy to dispose of.

8. Trying to avoid the kids ripping the ornaments off of our tree by getting a festive faux palm tree was futile. Although Xander now has the skills to be a coconut picker if we ever decide to relocate to a tropic island, so I suppose it wasn’t completely useless.

7. Sometimes alcohol settles and you need to drink the entire bottle of Malibu to actually get to the liquor part. Don’t believe me? Ask science.
(Okay, don’t ask science. You just hush your filthy little mouth, you.)

6. Xander is even more of a literal thinker than we thought. He was unwrapping a present with pictures of candy canes and cookies on the paper which caused him to believe that the present would be filled with candy and cookies. When he discovered that it was not, he had a hyperventilating panic meltdown. Thankfully we only had it happen once, a few days before Christmas, and I was able to change the gift wrap on the rest of his gifts accordingly. Whew.

5. When it comes to tree decorations, the terms “plastic” and “unbreakable” are not interchangeable. Also, I believe that our youngest children and the dog take the word “unbreakable” as a personal challenge.

4. Toy companies secretly hate parents. They must. Although my youngest kids are happier to play with boxes than toys, so we still kind of win until they are a bit older. TAKE THAT, CORPORATE SCUM!!!

3. This year I learned to enjoy myself. I allowed myself to submit to the endless buffet of sweet and savory deliciousness and ate with reckless abandon. I ate when I was happy, when I was stressed, when I was overwhelmed, and when I was enjoying stolen moments to myself. It was absolute heaven and I don’t give a hoot how long it takes me to lose this weight. If I ever do.
That freedom was amazing and worth every jiggly arm wave I will now endure.

2. My husband is the most amazing, raddest mo fo alive and I am lucky that he loves me. Even if he made me write that while giving me a pouty lip and “If you looooooved me you’d do it” face.

1. When at a Christmas party with your husband’s new colleagues and someone asks you what you think of the wine, “It tastes like Mommy’s kisses” is not most likely not the answer they are looking for.
Like I’m supposed to be a mind reader?