Lists. I love lists! I love them so much that I wanted to share one with you, you lucky ducks! So here is a list of the top ten ways I feel my age is showing. I bet I could have made a top 20 list but ain’t nobody got time for that!
10. Paper napkins infuriate me. If I am at your restaurant ordering a $25 sandwich I will get very upset if you offer me cheap paper napkins. I cannot even tell you why. I am not a messy eater. I do not need cloth napkins and being a Mom means that I can understand why doing eleventeen thousand loads of laundry could piss someone off. But yet there is something about not having a cloth napkin that drives me bonkers enough to threaten to write a strongly worded letter to management. Wait. That should probably have its own number, right?
9. Songza. It’s no big secret that I share my taste in music with my Dad in-law, and Patrick has poked fun at me several times for it. In deperate need of some street cred, or home cred in the case of our multi-generation home, I tried to be cool and try out Songza. I thought I would try the very hip sounding “grown folk” hip hop but that didn’t last very long. Apparently I need to find an “older-than-dirt grown folk” section. Oh wait, there is one! It’s the Bob Dylan section which actually happens to be my favorite.
8. Someone in their very early 20′s told me “it’s different from when you were young”. Which can mean nothing other than I am being perceived as being old. At 31. Yay.
7. I have kids…. and I had them on purpose. I remember being a teenager when that was everyone’s biggest fear. Now I have friends who are mourning the lack of pregnancy in their lives. Fertility is a fickle bitch.
6. I get excited about new kitchen appliances. When I got my Kitchen Aid mixer I had a complete and utter joygasm, and have since acquired every single kitchen gadget ever made, from super fancy garlic presses to slap chops. You’re gonna love my nuts! As long as you’re not anaphylactic, that is.
5. Not only can I tolerate department stores like Sears and The Bay, I actually enjoy them. I remember wanting to die when my Mom would take us to Sears when we were younger. The memory of old lady perfume wafting through the clothing racks where I would hide will never leave me.
And no, I don’t buy my perfume there… yet. When I do that’ll be another post.
4. I don’t drink to get drunk, I drink to enjoy the drink. But then again I also have extremely needy velcro kids and can barely choke back some chocolate milk in between bites of cheese string so a tall glass of booze is a bit of a stretch logistically.
3. I see a very real need for things that I used to scoff at just a few short years ago. Irons, fabric softener, RRSP’s, seatbelts, doing my taxes, removing my make-up before going to bed… the list goes on and on. And on, actually.
2. There are video games I haven’t heard of. The whole Skylander’s Giants phenomenon had to be explained to me by my 7 year old stepson. He talked slowly to me so that my poor old brain could absorb the whole Portal of Power concept like a good kid should. I was a die hard Final Fantasy gamer back in the day, and the coolest thing we could do was breed our Chocobos. While that was pretty cool this whole Skylander’s thing reminds me of how horribly outdated all of my once-cool faves are. Excuse me while I pop a cassette into my walk-man, pump up my sneakers and go play Pogs to forget about this crap.
1. I care about lawn maintenance. Deeply. I care about aerating, watering, weeding and fertilizing the grass in front of our house. When my grass is thicker, greener and lush-er than the neighbor’s lawns it means I am a better person and therefore win at life. I care slightly less about the grass in the backyard, so maybe that’s a sign that I am still young-ish.
So what is on your list? Do you agree or disagree with my ten? Do you have something you would add? Make your own list or write about something else all together and come tell us at the Yeah Write Moonshine Grid!!