Lists. I love lists! I love them so much that I wanted to share one with you, you lucky ducks! So here is a list of the top ten ways I feel my age is showing. I bet I could have made a top 20 list but ain’t nobody got time for that!
10. Paper napkins infuriate me. If I am at your restaurant ordering a $25 sandwich I will get very upset if you offer me cheap paper napkins. I cannot even tell you why. I am not a messy eater. I do not need cloth napkins and being a Mom means that I can understand why doing eleventeen thousand loads of laundry could piss someone off. But yet there is something about not having a cloth napkin that drives me bonkers enough to threaten to write a strongly worded letter to management. Wait. That should probably have its own number, right?
9. Songza. It’s no big secret that I share my taste in music with my Dad in-law, and Patrick has poked fun at me several times for it. In deperate need of some street cred, or home cred in the case of our multi-generation home, I tried to be cool and try out Songza. I thought I would try the very hip sounding “grown folk” hip hop but that didn’t last very long. Apparently I need to find an “older-than-dirt grown folk” section. Oh wait, there is one! It’s the Bob Dylan section which actually happens to be my favorite.
Great.
8. Someone in their very early 20′s told me “it’s different from when you were young”. Which can mean nothing other than I am being perceived as being old. At 31. Yay.
7. I have kids…. and I had them on purpose. I remember being a teenager when that was everyone’s biggest fear. Now I have friends who are mourning the lack of pregnancy in their lives. Fertility is a fickle bitch.
6. I get excited about new kitchen appliances. When I got my Kitchen Aid mixer I had a complete and utter joygasm, and have since acquired every single kitchen gadget ever made, from super fancy garlic presses to slap chops. You’re gonna love my nuts! As long as you’re not anaphylactic, that is.
5. Not only can I tolerate department stores like Sears and The Bay, I actually enjoy them. I remember wanting to die when my Mom would take us to Sears when we were younger. The memory of old lady perfume wafting through the clothing racks where I would hide will never leave me.
And no, I don’t buy my perfume there… yet. When I do that’ll be another post.
4. I don’t drink to get drunk, I drink to enjoy the drink. But then again I also have extremely needy velcro kids and can barely choke back some chocolate milk in between bites of cheese string so a tall glass of booze is a bit of a stretch logistically.
3. I see a very real need for things that I used to scoff at just a few short years ago. Irons, fabric softener, RRSP’s, seatbelts, doing my taxes, removing my make-up before going to bed… the list goes on and on. And on, actually.
2. There are video games I haven’t heard of. The whole Skylander’s Giants phenomenon had to be explained to me by my 7 year old stepson. He talked slowly to me so that my poor old brain could absorb the whole Portal of Power concept like a good kid should. I was a die hard Final Fantasy gamer back in the day, and the coolest thing we could do was breed our Chocobos. While that was pretty cool this whole Skylander’s thing reminds me of how horribly outdated all of my once-cool faves are. Excuse me while I pop a cassette into my walk-man, pump up my sneakers and go play Pogs to forget about this crap.
1. I care about lawn maintenance. Deeply. I care about aerating, watering, weeding and fertilizing the grass in front of our house. When my grass is thicker, greener and lush-er than the neighbor’s lawns it means I am a better person and therefore win at life. I care slightly less about the grass in the backyard, so maybe that’s a sign that I am still young-ish.
So what is on your list? Do you agree or disagree with my ten? Do you have something you would add? Make your own list or write about something else all together and come tell us at the Yeah Write Moonshine Grid!!
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Ha ha, so funny! I’ve been thinking about doing a similar post. I have gotten so old!
The year I turned 30, I was talking to this teenager who asked me how old I was. I told her and she said, “wow, you’ve aged really well!” Ha ha ha, that cracked me up. I was thinking, can we say I’ve ‘aged’ at 30??
$25 for a sandwich??? Then hell yeah, they better provide cloth napkins! Songza? I’d never even heard of that until now. In fact, we only just got an iPod like, 2 years ago! Going out on weeknights? Yeah, right.
When you were young? I’m almost 33, so I’m older than you are by TWO YEARS! What about when *I* was young?!
I especially sympathize with #4. These days, I drink for the drink, not to get drunk (almost always). And also, did you know Minecraft is not the same as Minesweeper?
#1 — LOL!
I LOVE me some kitchen gadgets too. And not only do I like department stores… I even like the hardware store. :S As for Songza – my hubby and I (35 and 34, respectively) enjoy “feel-good 90s” – it’s like high school!
Oh man… the husband and I are in bed every night by 10pm at the latest (weekends too!) unless there’s a really good nature program on. I wish I were kidding. We’re in our late 20′s and we feel so old!
I’ve been meaning to make a list of things that make me FEEL old (at 37):
-the professionals in my life are younger than me (doc, dentist, etc)
-the parents on tv are younger
-i don’t recognize the names of the latest musicians
-WRINKLES
-other people’s kids who got BIG
-having students I taught in grade 2 about ready to graduate
Time is WEIRD.
Dawn, you are hilarious! And ironically young and radiant in that photo. . .Just try being forty-five with a sixty-one-year-old husband and no television: I think I take the cake for being out of it! I’ve never heard of ANY video games, or Songza, and all my favorite musicians are dead. Feel better?
well so far i am really ageing,i am almost 60..i rememberDawn-Marie when she was ababy and my 2 girls are 33 and 35,i think,i will have to subtract the years i guess,anyway,just got home from the mooseheads game[HOCKEY] and it is 1036pmso it is my bedtime,good night all!!!!
I actually cannot bring myself to use a cloth napkin. If it’s paper I’m wiping my mouth after every other bite. Cloth will never touch my lips. I guess I’m too aware of the person who has to wash the food stains out.
I was with you all the way until I saw you’re only 31. You kids these days… (I’m *gasp* dangerously close to 37.)
Being the same age as you, I could relate to practically everything you listed! I especially enjoyed your use of the word joygasm. I definitely need to add that to my vocabulary, and always when it describes how I feel about getting a new kitchen appliance! About a month ago, I was reminded of how old I’m getting when I threw out my back while *walking* through the grocery store. I guess I didn’t breathe out on the appropriate step or something. All I know is I was sore for a week thanks to the bread aisle!
I love gaming. I yearn for Skylanders. And I gave up and got rid of my iron when I realized Scott and I both have a deficiency so bad that it’s more cost efficient to pay a dry cleaner to deal with the rare items that MUST be smoothed with heat, steam, and pressure.
Just wait until you’re 49…then you can add a bunch of stuff
But I don’t see the need for an iron, ever. I either don’t buy it or I commit to taking it to the cleaners (which means mostly I don’t buy it). I failed ironing 101.