We have a dog. A puppy actually. Vito is 5 months old and nearly 60lbs of crazy cuteness, for those of you who aren’t regular followers of the blog. We love the crap right out of the beast (even when he is a lamp, not a dog) and along with stuffing his fat little face with treats and taking him to weekly obedience training we take him to the dog park daily.
You see, dogs need to be socialized from a young age to ensure they don’t grow up to be fearful. Meeting and interacting with different types of dogs and people will help them become well-rounded and self-confident pups, so they say. Our local humane society recommends interaction with 100 people and dogs in a one month period so that’s what we’ve been trying to do. Because when you are talking about a dog that gets to be well over a 100lbs you don’t want them to be full of well, fuckery, for lack of a better word.
One night last week Vito and I had spent some time at the off leash park. It was dark and cold and therefor empty so we walked for 15 minutes or so before calling it quits and heading back to the van. I had just loaded Vito into his seat when a small hatchback car pulled into the lot. As I walked around to the driver’s side of my van three dogs came bounding up to me. I scratched their fuzzy ears as the owner made his way towards us.
“We’re a bit late, are we?” the middle-aged man asked me.
I took a look at his friendly face and said “Well, I have no problem staying so the dogs can play! What’s 5 more minutes?”
Vito hopped out of the van and I paused to lock the doors before I walked into the dark wooded path with the stranger.
We walked along while the dogs kicked up snow at our sides, playing as dogs will. They were tentative at first, but approached with trust and had decided within moments that they should be friends. The middle-aged man and I talked about our dogs while we walked the long wooded path into the park. I liked him immediately, and learned that his name was Ross. Ross’s dogs are a lot older than Vito but you wouldn’t know by looking at them play! Watching my gangly pup get his fuzzy butt handed to him by a pack of elderly dogs was hilarious! The off leash park allows me to see a side of my boy that I typically wouldn’t be able to in other circumstances.
And that is pretty awesome.
As Ross and I followed our muttly crew along the treeline we saw a figure approaching. I’ll call him a young guy, but that’s mostly just because he was close to my age and it’s my story so I get to do that sort of thing. Our 4 dogs approached his pup and the 5 of them went off leaving the three of us humans to chat. It was too cold to stay in one spot so the three of us walked on and watched the dogs romp and get to know each other.
At this point our lighthearted banter had carried us to the far end of the park and we followed the treeline to a secluded area that takes us out of sight of the park and the surrounding roadways. We were all so busy watching the dogs and enjoying the conversation that we barely noticed the stranger coming towards us. We said hello almost in perfect unison, and the stranger replied back with a hello.
Ross said “I sure am glad we have all the dogs out. Nobody would try anything with us!”
And I realized that I was apparently the only person who felt completely comfortable walking with strangers in an unlit park with only my 5 month old puppy for a security system.
And then that made me feel uncomfortable.
I wasn’t uncomfortable with my two male companions, or even overly weirded out with the dogless stranger who cut through the dog park. I guess I was just unsettled at the fact that we are so quick to judge who is “good” and who is “bad”. Can we really know in such a short period? Is it safe to judge by appearances but only if it’s a negative conclusion? Is it best to say “better to be safe than sorry” for our entire lives? If I had of erred on the side of caution I would have missed out on not only a great night of conversation and fun, but the three nights that followed when Ross and I got our dogs together.
Maybe we need to start socializing ourselves as much as we do our dogs. Would we be better people readers if we were subjected to getting to know 100 new people a month? Or even better people? Would we become more friendly and eventually become eager to meet new people and make friends?
When I look at my kids and my dog, I believe it.
So next time you are made aware of your insecurities, remember 100 people. Get out there and love 100 people and see if it changes your life.
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Sometimes I worry that we exist within such a culture of fear and ‘better safe than sorry’ that we’re all kind of becoming like those crazy people who never leave the armed compound because clearly the unfamiliar must be some kind of post apocalyptic hell scape. The 100 people a month rule sounds good to me!
Aww, I’m glad you and your pup made friends at the dog park!
great idea Dawn-Marie,as usual,i am really liking your blog,all the best my friend!!!!
I agree with the whole not living in a comfort zone of “better safe than sorry.” But the introvert in me is horrified at the idea of 100 new people a month. That works out to an average of 33 people a day and that nearly makes me want to weep. 5 new people at a time is quite overwhelming to me. I think 33 would make me retreat into a comatose state.
Not that I distrust new people (well, there is some of that but I work hard to overcome that part) but people require enormous amounts of energy for me to interact with. Really interacting with a new person usually ups my “alone time” requirements by about 3 hours for the day it happens. Each additional new person adds another hour. 33 would exceed the number of hours in a day and immediately send me into psychic shut-down.
oh… it’s a struggle. i have a natural instinct to trust people and a husband who is exactly the opposite, so i wind up in the middle – open but definitely on guard. in a park at night, i would definitely feel vulnerable. i’m not proud of it, it just is what it is.
I am an introvert, too, and the thought of 100 people gives me hives. But I love the concept and agree with the idea that we can’t judge who is “good” and who is “bad” based upon first impressions.
This is such a wonderful post. I agree. We do need to start socializing ourselves more. We’re all so closed off from each other so much of the time. I’m a dog person too, and a funny thing I’ve noticed while walking my dogs is that when I meet other dog owners, we exchange our dogs’ names, but rarely our own!
My vet made the same recommendation – 100 new faces before 4 months were his words. It’s a very hard thing to do in November, and I think mine would still be on the timid side, though he’s never afraid of new pizza delivery guys.
I love the idea! As a socially inept loner, I would have great difficulty with this, but in theory it is something everyone should put into practice.
Hot damn, that’s such a great idea. I was a little scared for you and hoped that the post wasn’t going down a dark hallway. I need more socialization and so does everyone I know. I love this.
Thought provoking post. I like your challenge to socialize more though. I think it’s good advice.
Outstanding! I think you are exactly right. I am a fearful person. I wish it wasn’t so, but I wouldn’t have done the same thing you did. I’m am too afraid. It’s no way to live. You have the right idea.
When you said: “Maybe we need to start socializing ourselves as much as we do our dogs” I couldn’t have agreed more. It’s uncanny how many people I meet or see that are cloaked in fear and insecurity. Great story, and great lesson!
Muttly crew! Very cute. As one who can easily become a recluse, I appreciate your application of dog socialization to the way we humans go about life. It’s tough to remember but so important.
Hi Dawn! I had not heard the “100 dogs” thing (yes, me with the supposed-dog-blog) but I believe it! I’ve made a terrible mistake in not socializing Lena, my six-month-old, well enough; I did it with the other two but when we got her I figured she’s got two dogs to play with all day so enough. And the upshot is that she barks and growls when she sees dogs who aren’t her two buddies so. . .I’m a dummy. (This is a great advertisement for my blog, right?)
The whole time I’m reading I’m thinking please don’t let this guy be a creep and hurt her!! It’s funny, my husband and I have often used dogs to measure how much we like people. Our dogs, their dogs, dogs in general. Dogs are pretty good judges of character and they aren’t good at all at hiding their own personalities.
This is a great idea! And I’m rarely nervous when out alone in public, but that is because I am The Assassin, LOL!
Great post Dawn! And so relatable for me. I spent many many hours at the dog park (freezing) before I trusted Buster off leash. Now, we mostly walk in the woods. Often with friends and their dogs. But I don’t give it a second thought to going alone. I don’t want to not go b/c no one else can, but occasionally I wonder if I should be doing that. I do feel the dog parks are pretty safe. It would be weird to stalk someone there – because, hello, dogs?!!! I think meeting new people is fun but 100 a month is a lot! We need people parks for that
Oh, so true. We have all become so afraid of everything, everyone, each other, that it is sad. Yet society keeps giving us reminders that we should be.
Great post that turned me very thinky! Or was that your point? Sneaky, sneaky, Dawn. xo