Top Ten Responses I Wish I Had The Guts To Say

As a follow up of sorts to my post on what I don’t want you to say to me, I thought it might be fun (and therapeutic) for me to make a list of things I wish I was brave enough to say when people make ridiculous comments.

I used to be a real spit fire, and I still have the tendency to take very little crap from people, but I am definitely a lot more mellow now. Maybe because I am comfortably in my 30’s, maybe because I always have a herd of children around me I need to set a good example for, or maybe it’s because I just feel so damn defeated all the time. Either way I rarely say exactly what is on my mind…..
until I started this blog.

Thank you internet for giving me a platform to share my humble little words on.

Now on to the list! I’m not going to apologize for the swear words, but I will warn you… there are swear words! I should also say that these are all written in good fun and I would never intentionally offend anyone. Just like my other list, these answers would be reserved for people who ask questions with venom in their voice. Tone is everything.

10. “If your child can’t behave in public, maybe you should leave them home!”
You know stranger I’ve never seen before and who smells faintly of cheese, you’re right. Here’s my grocery list, the dry cleaning and our prescriptions to be filled. Thanks for the offer!

9. “Isn’t he a little too old to be in a stroller?”
Looks like someone ate a whole bowl of bitch for breakfast! Aren’t you a little too old to make rude remarks and judge little kids?

8. “Children like that shouldn’t be at a restaurant like this.”
Oh I’m sorry that you find it offensive when my child acts like a child. Let us cancel our planned-months-in-advance dinner so that you can enjoy your platter of wah-burgers and french cries. May I suggest you wash it down with a hot steamy mug of shut the f*ck up?

7. “You shouldn’t let your child wear pajamas out of the house.”
He will only wear things that are orange, so I’m in a bit of a bind lately. I don’t expect someone as high society as you to understand, what with your Wal-Mart couture clothing and all, but cut me some slack. Or I’ll cut your tires.

6. “Why do you let him eat pizza so much?”
Why do you smoke? Why do you eat MacDonald’s? Why do you ask stupid questions? My answer is that pizza is better than stickers, which happen to be his second favorite meal. What are your answers?

5. “Is he always this *awkward pause* you know… way?”
Uh yeah. Xander is very much a what-you-see-is-what-you-get type of kid. He is always this honest and brilliant, innocent and beautiful… that is what you meant, right?

4. “If grocery shopping is so hard, why don’t you make him sit in the cart/stroller/mei tai?”
Maybe you should try nailing jell-o to a tree. Or driving with brakes on. Or forming a sentence that doesn’t make you look like a colossal asshole. One does not simply make Xander do something.

3. “Why is he staring at the lights/sucking on his shirt/covering his ears?”
He has an allergy to judgmental shmucks. They make him break out in stims. Just kidding! It’s because your attitude really f*cking sucks.

2. “But he can speak! He can’t have Autism.”
Oh my God! Really? Holy shit! I better call his early intervention worker, occupational therapist, pediatricians, speech pathologist, and the autism assessment clinic! Someone needs to tell them that they have been misdiagnosing these kids!! OH THE HORRORS!!

1. “My kids would never do that!” or “All he needs is some discipline.” or “Maybe you should try ________.”.
How did you ever find the time to get your doctorate in medicine and in ignorance? Also, sorry to hear about your son’s drug addiction and your impending divorce. Totally don’t know how that happened.

Tags: , , , , ,

40 Responses to “Top Ten Responses I Wish I Had The Guts To Say”

  1. Mari
    December 8, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

    Or the all purpose, “Thank you so much for the parenting advice! I had no idea I was doing it all wrong. I will immediately go forth and parent your way so that my progeny can be uptight assholes just like you!”

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 8, 2012 at 4:10 pm #

      Exactly! Some people’s children! ;-)

  2. Larks
    December 8, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    This list is awesome! It’s amazing what people feel comfortable saying to people about their parenting. Like watching you for 5 minutes in the supermarket gives them a Ph.D. in your life.

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 8, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

      Thanks Larks! <3
      Oh the grocery store line ups are the worst! I just can’t ever imagine myself saying things like that to parents. Especially those who look like they have their hands FULL! Why can’t everyone be quick to offer help and a smile instead of a glare and snark?
      Good thing those buggers don’t stand a chance in out-snarking me! Hahaha!

  3. December 8, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

    “May I suggest you wash it down with a hot steamy mug of shut the f*ck up?”

    I want that on a bumper sticker, only without the asterisk. If he lived in Alabama, he would totally be an Alabama fan.

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

      Ha totally!
      And thanks for the shares, Mrs. Big Shot! I super appreciate it!

      • December 9, 2012 at 6:49 am #

        And I meant Auburn fan. DOH!

        • Dawn-Marie
          December 9, 2012 at 10:30 am #

          I totally knew what you meant!
          *shifty eyes*
          Go sports!!

  4. December 8, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

    This list is fanfreakingtastic! People who say that kind of stuff suck! FWIW, my “neurotypical” son LOVES to wear pajamas. The shorty ones…year round…with fireman rainboots.

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 8, 2012 at 4:18 pm #

      Aw Robbie, thanks!
      It’s so funny you mention that about your little one! When we first started this whole diagnosis journey we had a conversation with our Doc about how all kids are weird. LOL! It’s just distinguishing between “normal” weird and “maybe we should get some help” weird. ;-)

    • Harriet
      December 11, 2012 at 5:20 pm #

      When my son was young he severely burned both hands. They were obviously bandaged quite large. He looked like he had on white boxing gloves. The only top I could fit over the bandages was…you guessed it…a pajama top! I was out shopping with him,and over heard one lady say to another..”It’s just awful that she couldn’t even take the time to dress him instead of bringing him out in his pajamas.”
      OH,HELL… she lit me up! I whirled the buggy around so they could actually see him and said (rather loudly) “Would you like to tell me how you would get a shirt over these bandages???” They were stunned to say the least. Said something like “I had no idea” to which I replied “That’s why you shouldn’t talk about people when you have NO IDEA what is going on!” Yes, Mom’s…feel free to speak up! Show them exactly how rude they are! lol

      • Dawn-Marie
        December 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm #

        Oh Harriet! Thank you for sharing your story!
        I admire your courage to say something to that woman. I hope she learned from it!

        • Harriet
          December 11, 2012 at 6:03 pm #

          I definitely made her stop and think. I’m sure she was embarrassed, but then she should be. Hopefully she learned to keep her mouth shut. lol

  5. December 8, 2012 at 4:04 pm #

    This stuff is golden!
    Love that list. And those are exactly the right responses to creeps like that ;)

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 8, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

      Haha THANK YOU KERSTIN!!!!
      As I was writing it I couldn’t help but chuckle at some of them. I’m way better at coming up with things to say rather than actually saying them out loud. :-)

  6. paula gates
    December 9, 2012 at 3:21 am #

    well done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 9, 2012 at 10:11 am #

      Thank you Paula! xoxo

  7. December 9, 2012 at 9:58 am #

    Perfect! I’d love to see the way they’d react if you said those things – I don’t get why people don’t just mind their own business!

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 9, 2012 at 10:18 am #

      Haha, yeah Stacie I would like to see their faces too! I just can’t see myself dishing that much snark out to people in front of my kids! You know?

  8. December 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm #

    Oh if only we could freely say the things we only say in our heads. I think there should be a National Say Whatever You Want Day.

    Your comebacks are awesome.

    I love that, out of all the colours of the rainbow, your dude chooses orange. Best colour ever.

    I read your post about what not to say and I realized that I have said one or two of those things. Never to be an asshole but clearly I was. I have a friend with a daughter with special needs and I have learned to just listen and love on her, and to celebrate moments as they come.

    You are in my prayers tonight. I’ll be praying that God fills you with enough strength and courage and patience to last your day, and that He continues to do so each day going forward.

    Blessings,
    Kate

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

      Hi Kate!
      You are such a doll! Thank you so much for the sweet words!

      Please don’t feel bad about saying one or two (or all!) of the things in my other list! As long as you didn’t say them with mean intent, I’m sure they were received innocently enough.
      You sound like a very good friend. :-)

  9. Diane Turner
    December 9, 2012 at 10:33 pm #

    Some people think they are so fucking wise. Turns out, they’re not, but they are rude and ignorant sometimes.

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

      Oh jeeze, I know!
      I should start handing out rubber bands to people with little cards attached that say “Please wrap this around your head and then SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!”

      I think it would go over well, yes? ;-)

      Thanks for swinging by!

  10. December 11, 2012 at 8:52 am #

    Oh this is so funny!! I got the best laugh out of this. And number five is my favorite answer. ;)
    People are really stupid sometimes.

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 11, 2012 at 5:57 pm #

      Thanks for swinging by Laura!
      People really are dumb sometimes. Thankfully I have this blog to vent in! ;-)

  11. December 11, 2012 at 9:14 am #

    Some people fucking suck and I wish I could beat them all up for you. Instead, I’ll just be all southern-like and say bless their hearts and send you so much love over the internet your head should be spinning right now. Don’t let the turkeys get you down. xox

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 11, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

      Oh Peach! You are so sweet and funny!
      Yes, bless their hearts. xoxo

  12. December 11, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

    OMG this list is perfect. I may just have to print it out and keep it in my pocket at all times so I know how to respond to all the jerks who dis my three-year old for being ASD. Love your writing, and am so happy I found your blog via TALU. Can’t wait to read more! Cheers!

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 11, 2012 at 3:54 pm #

      Hi Kristi! Thanks for stopping by! I’m glad that you got something out of this post. I will be sure to stop by and read more about your awesome little too!

  13. Tony Horning
    December 11, 2012 at 3:41 pm #

    O – M – G! (Overused Mnemonic Gaffe)
    That list was unbelievably outstanding!!! As a parent of an autistic child, that really really made my day!!

    Have fun living on Planet Xander – it sounds like a special place.

    Tony Horning
    (name-dropping friend of the Reedster)

    • Dawn-Marie
      December 11, 2012 at 3:52 pm #

      Tony! Welcome to the blog and thank you so much for your comment!
      This post is one of my personal faves too. :-)
      Planet Xander sure is awesome, I just wish there were more naps or at least wine without hangovers! Haha.

  14. December 12, 2012 at 5:20 am #

    Hi Dawn-Marie. Too funny! What we would say if we could…

    Thanks for linking this up with the TALU!

  15. December 12, 2012 at 7:33 am #

    My favorite response was #5: “He is always this honest and brilliant, innocent and beautiful… that is what you meant, right?”

  16. December 12, 2012 at 9:38 am #

    I’m always amazed at people who think it is OK to be nosy and make hurtful statements. And I am equally amazed that in this age we live in people are not educated about it and never even think that a child may be autistic. Some people are cruel. (TALU)

    • Harriet
      December 12, 2012 at 10:30 am #

      Here’s a response for you:
      “While my child has a valid medical diagnosis , in your case there really isn’t a medical diagnosis for ignorant is there? I’m so sorry for you.” Smile

  17. December 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm #

    I admit I am guilty of thinking some of these things, but that’s usually when I’m feeling overwhelmed at my own lack of skills. Great food for thought.

  18. December 13, 2012 at 7:22 pm #

    Great great post…! I found you through Kristi at Finding Nimee. She mentioned you on her blog today and said this was a great post so I simply had to come and check it out. I too have a child who was developmentally delayed so I can very much relate to everything…I’m going to keep coming back to your blog now!

  19. Heather
    December 16, 2012 at 12:31 am #

    Fabulous post! I could relate to it so well. You had me laughing throughout.

  20. Gina
    December 16, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    I love you, Dawn. That is all. :)

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. How to collect weird trivia in jars | Scita > Scienda - December 10, 2012

    [...] young kids on the autism spectrum and a year-old baby. It’s another friend, posting a link to the story of a mom who has things she doesn’t say when her autistic child is venomously [...]

Leave a Reply